Katie Manning fell critically ill with chronic fatigue syndrome. Her tiredness was debilitating and prompted her to try to find a way to get well. She saw numerous doctors and read countless resources about this illness. Through these resources, she realized the biggest issue was that her mind was spending a lot of time in a place of fear. Once she started working on her fear, she began to find healing. Through a process of letting go of fear, she achieved complete healing.
I curiously wanted to know how I could let go of fear? One helpful resource I found was “Love is Letting Go of Fear” by Gerald Jampolsky, MD. He suggested that there are two main emotions that come in conflict with each other – Love and Fear. And we must choose which one will win.
Love is considered our natural inheritance. When the expert of the law wanted to know what the most important commandment of the law was, Jesus said it was to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind; and love your neighbor as yourself. The Apostle Paul listed three important concepts – faith, hope and love; but said the greatest of these is love. Love is a response that always wins!
On the other hand, fear is an emotion that our mind manufactures. Fear tends to attach itself to things in our past. It becomes a video our mind plays over and over, connecting with the reminders from our past. This fear can be subtle and sneaky and will arise in many forms and disguises.
This is not the kind of fear that is real and comes from a threat of harm that is happening right now. That fear serves us well at the moment. But after it happens, it tends to disappear. But the fear manufactured in our mind, will whirl around continuously in our thoughts, choosing to stay and affect us.
Here are some of the fear-based emotions that might pop up in your life?
- Anxiety or worry
- Anger, frustration or irritation
- Feeling hopeless or helpless
- Despair and depression
- Panic
- Fatigue
- Dishonesty (lying to yourself and others)
- Getting cold feet or giving up
- Excessive focus on the past or the future
- Jealousy and suspicion
- Shrinking away from your true self
- Being selfish and not considering other’s opinions or viewpoints
- Trying to please other people
- Focusing on the negative
- Not confronting others for fear of arguments
- Not asking others to help you
- Feeling worthless and/or alone
- Hiding away
Do you see how fear can distort our perception? It can also cause us to be afraid of love without consciously realizing it.
I began to live with fear because of some of my experiences. I tried to stay busy and please others, not wanting anyone to know who my true self was. But I still felt worthless. And I became afraid of opening my heart to love. That became my response because love and fear cannot be experienced at the same time. I had to choose one or the other and unfortunately, I chose fear.
But I have learned some things I can do to replace fear:
- Forgiveness
- Accepting people for Who they are (not how they act)
- Peace of mind (People don’t have to change, in order for us to experience this)
- Hope
- Self-care
- Feeling safe in God’s arms
- Letting go and becoming free
- Trusting God
- Meditation
- Improving your health
- Focusing on the present moment
- Positivity
- Gratitude
- Developing friendships
- Generosity
- Laughter
- Honesty
- Joy
- And Loving God, others, and yourself!
One of the processes I went through to open my heart to love was forgiveness. I had so many people to forgive:
My father for criticizing me often; mom for controlling me; my grieving grandma for hurting me; boyfriends who betrayed me; policemen who put my father-in-law in jail, believing he was drunk when he had experienced a stroke and ended up dying; the man who my mother-in-law remarried, who strangled her to death; the girl who through careless driving took the life of my niece, the woman who hit my nephew on his bike and killed him; the woman who betrayed me with my husband; the man who brutally beat my husband who now lives with a brain injury; the drunk who hit me, causing a lifetime of neck and should pain. But I became free as I forgave each of these – one after another.
A while back, I went to bed and tossed and turned. My muscles hurt, my emotions and body was restless. After a while I sensed a voice saying, “Gwen, you are angry and need to forgive what that family member did to you recently. I immediately knew that was true. I forgive them and let go of my anger. I then fell into a peaceful sleep.
So, I encourage you to pay attention to times when you are reacting from a fear-based emotion (see the list above). Letting go of Fear will allow you to make the best decision of your life – a chance to live in Love. It’s the greatest experience you will ever have!
