We use defense mechanisms as a way of distancing ourselves from unpleasant thoughts, feelings, emotions, and desires. While these strategies can help with short-term coping, they will block our long-term growth.
For example, this might mean you are one person when you are with your friends, a different person at work or at church, and still another person with your family and mate. Instead of being the same person in all situations, you separate yourself and this can begin to choke your spirit. It becomes wearing because you are always changing who you are in order to fit some kind of mold of other people and gain their acceptance. What makes it worse is that this type of pretense is accepted and expected in our culture. Even though we are never the exact same person in all settings, we can live out of a true self that comes out in some way in all settings.
But this fragmentation is the beginning of the creation of the ‘false self. You can be five different people in any given day and none of them may be your ‘true self’. If that is the case for you, I ask you a question: What would it be like to be completely integrated – your heart, mind, and body acting as one? Well, our actions and responses could now be natural because we don’t have to think about ‘who to be’ because we are a sense of our true self all the time. We are able to live with an open heart and know how much of our ‘true self’ to reveal in any given situation. Life takes less effort and we are able to learn and love the ‘true self’ that we are which can truly only be found in what God thinks of us. (You can learn more information about the true self/false self on another part of this website.)
Below are some of the more common defense mechanisms.
- COMPARTMENTALIZING is a process of separating parts of ourselves from awareness of other parts. Envision a pie shape chart that represents the various parts of your life [work, family, hobbies, relationship with Christ, etc.] A person who compartmentalizes might behave in a manner that indicates that their relationship with Christ is merely about going to church on Sunday, but has nothing to do with the rest of their life.
- COMPENSATION is a process of making up for perceived weaknesses by emphasizing strength in other areas.
- DENIAL is the refusal to accept reality and to act as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of very early childhood development.
- DISPLACEMENT is taking out our frustrations, feelings, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening. (Being angry at the boss and kicking the dog can be an example of displacement.)
- FANTASY, when used as a defense mechanism, is the process of using our imagination to create a place or area of safety or distraction. A person usually goes to this place of fantasy because situations in their life have been hurtful, harmful, and alarming and they desire to avoid thinking about them.
- INTELLECTUALIZING is when a person focuses on thought processes (knowledge and information) without a connection with their emotions and feelings. It is usually an attempt to suppress or avoid uncomfortable feelings. (An example might be an individual who studies the bible intellectually but avoids allowing it to move into their heart so it can be applied to their life.)
- PROJECTION is when a person assigns their own feelings or actions onto another person. (Thus, an angry spouse accuses their partner of hostility.)
- RATIONALIZING is the attempt to justify one’s own behavior or attitude instead of taking responsibility for it. (Thus, the promotion one wished fervently for and didn’t get becomes “a dead end job for brown nosers and yes men”.)
- REGRESSION is the when a person reverts to an earlier stage of development because they are uncomfortable with their feelings and present circumstances. (For an example an adolescent who is overwhelmed with fear, anger, and uncertainty might become clingy and begin thumb sucking or bed wetting.)
- REPRESSION is the blocking and suppression of unacceptable feelings and thoughts.
- UNDOING is the attempt to take back a behavior or thought that is unacceptable. (An example of undoing would be excessively praising someone after having insulted them.)
It is often easier to identify these patterns in others. David Benner alleges that it will require a commitment to truth and a deep sense of freedom from fear of rejection in order to deal with these types of defense mechanisms. What can enable us to move from these [to more healthy responses] is the ability to believe that we are deeply loved by God.
